The drip is driving me mad and i have the urge to raise my pert butt of the bed and walk around - not allowed it seems - gosh there was me thinking it was the natural thing to do it certainly felt like the natural thing to do - contemplating my navel and having time to imagine what passing a football was like was not something I wished to dwell on and i needed a change of scenery badly not only that having to make small talk with him who shall not be obeyed was always challenging at best.
After what felt like an eternity midwifey popped in to tell me mother was now going to have an epidural........ to slow things down.........slow them down!!! I wanted this experience over ASAP but hey the anaesthetist will be down to perform the task soonest .....soonest turned out to be some two hours later seemingly he was busy in theatre well that's alright then not going anywhere I'll just hang on here then. Small talk defo getting thin now...........to the person who ever decided it was good idea to have men in the birthing room I ask the question.........are you out of your tiny mind!!
Irritatingly at this time my legs took on a life force all of their own and kept annoyingly dropping off the side of the bed which HE seemed to find humorous as he had to keep lifting them back on as I had no feeling in them. perhaps on a different day and them being someone else's legs I would have been gripped by the funniness of it today was not that day ........
Time drags so I suggest to HIM that he goes into town for a Chinese (an excuse to get him out of my hair). With every contraction I am thinking of ways to de-assemble his body without anaesthesia.
After much appreciated respite suddenly HE returns with a take away wafting sensory smells to wet my palette and proceeds to scoff the lot ........ ever sensitive the male species.
Around midnight I notice the monitor and instinctively feel that something is not quite right and instruct him to make himself useful and go off and find midwifey and alert her.........he duly carried out his mission and landed back with midwifey who clucked reassuringly and disappeared to return and invade the room with the A team. All hell broke lose at a single moment............
I was told to push and he was recommended to dampen my brow and cluck more reassurance and encouragement in my ear how that translated into slopping a wet flannel on my brow and semi drowning me I do not know but the list of parts that were going to be removed physically from his body increased dramatically at that moment. I think I politely suggested he cease...... well that's my memory :0)
I was told to push with every contraction......what contractions I thought I had little sensation of them at this point as the epidural seemed to have done its job.........baby was struggling and the decision to do a high forceps delivery was decided upon he was well and truly settled in and not wanting to come out. The forceps were duly placed and she tugged with all her might, they were replaced and she tried again and i was told when to push it seemed like forever before my babies head appeared. HE unbeknown to me had moved to the operational end which greatly surprised me as this was a guy who was squeamish and nearly fainted at the sight of his own blood......mind you he didn't stay there for long quickly returning to encourage me to push like my lady parts depended upon it. Out popped my battered and bruised little 4lb 1oz bundle of joy.........but no cry for what seemed like an eternity, they whisked him away and gave him oxygen and massaged him and I could tell from their faces they were concerned..........1 minute 2 minutes and then after a goodly time he cried..........its the best sound in the world for a mother to hear..................the journey had started............
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